Year in Review- Junior Year of College

One year ago (April 2010), I was at LeTourneau University. I spent my time watching Veronica Mars while on the phone with Brit and making the most of my last month with the friends I had made during my first two years of college. Brit often visited during that semester, and my friends had grown to know and love him as well. Recently engaged, many friends drove to Granny and Paps' farm for an engagement party, and Brit and Mom flew down to attend. Wayne took our engagement pictures, and it was really hitting me that I was going to get married. My late April I was ready to pack up my car with all of my posessions and drive with Mom back to Colorado. Permanently.

In May, I did just that, or so I thought. I also drove with Brit on a spur-of-the-moment road trip to Indiana to see Courtney and Tim's wedding.

The rest of May and June I began planning my wedding with Mom's infinitely helpful presence, encouragement, and assistance. I visited my favorite venue and met our future photographer. Throughout the summer, I also worked at a Sonic franchise thinking I would major in Business at the University of Colorado Denver.

July was a fun month of vacationing. Brit and I joined the Welches in Dillon, CO for five days. We enjoyed a wealth of athletic activities including biking, boating, kayaking, and hiking my first 14er. A few days after returning, I flew with my family to Hawaii to meet the whole Shinn clan for a cruise celebrating Granny and Paps' 50th anniversary. The jam-packed trip included many hikes to see the beautiful landscape of Hawaii, a hike to a volcano, eating the best pineapple I've ever had, and experiencing the infamous and unbearable hike to a waterfall. July also kicked off Brit's and my marriage mentoring with the Irvings.

August was a time of adapting. In addition to turning 20, I was accepted to the School of Business, planned my classes, and promptly realized that I had been avoiding what I truly felt called to- teaching. I changed my classes to accomodate this final major change just days before school started, and I have grown only more confident in the decision since. I also found my thrillingly unique yet problematic wedding dress. I adjusted to the differences of going to a new and very different school and of living at home.

I visited LeTourneau in September and enjoyed meeting the new freshmen on my old floor and seeing good friends again. Courtney also drove down from Dallas for a few days. I stayed with Kelsey Clark for a few days and began working for Jane Gallagher by picking up Cheyenne from school three days per week and watching her for a few hours.

In early October, Brit joined my family and me on a trip to Los Angeles where we relaxed on the beach, rode bikes, and enjoyed a break from everyday life. I enjoyed having him along on his first family vacation with us. Upon returning, I began working twice a week as a tutor in the Math Education Resource Center at school. Taking advantage of my 20th birthday gift from my parents, Brit and I began taking dance lessons in preparation for our wedding and as a fun activity. We enjoyed learning and practicing the Rhumba and Foxtrot both in class and by watching videos online. We also began apartment hunting. Teresa and Don also visited and Mom and I enjoyed attending a bridal show with Teresa.

I went to a Mae concert with Kyle and his friends in November. Wedding planning hit a slow time as most planning was completed and preparation couldn't begin for a few weeks. I also enjoyed emailing Jen Leraaen during this semester. Brit and I flew to Austin for his job interview at National Instruments. We were able to see Wayne's first condo and enjoyed visiting with family. Brit flew home to continue working at EchoStar and I stayed for a few extra days. At the end of my trip, I rode the Greyhound bus to Dallas where I saw Elise and Courtney.

Brit received a personalized job offer from National Instruments according to my inability to finish school as early. He was asked to work as an intern in the summer of 2011 and begin working full time upon graduating in December 2011. Since, I have wondered what God's plan is for Brit's future job and if we will be led to leave our home in Denver. December 4th, Brit and I moved all of our belongings into our new apartment at the Bentley where Brit began staying. I got my nails done, my hair cut, and finished finals while anxiously awaiting the wedding. Elise, Blake, and Steph arrived and stayed at the apartment with Brit and me. TJ, Natalie, and Morgan drove together and stayed at a house of Natalie's family. The family arrived on the 17th and we enjoyed a great time at the Clarks' party for us. Then followed flower preparation, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and an excellent bachelorette party planned my Elise. Tim and Courtney arrived and stayed with Natalie. The morning of the wedding, I enjoyed having Brit with the family as we ate bagels and completed our annual Christmas candle service. The day of the wedding was an exhausted, thrilling, and wonderful blur of love and fun. The honeymoon was kicked off by a hilariously problem-wrought trip to Silverthorne. We stayed at the Kroonenberg's condo and had an amazing yet confrontational time until we came home on Christmas Eve. While there we began learning sex, went snowshoeing, played poker, watched hours of Burn Notice, and went to see Narnia. Christmas Day, our families joined us in visiting a nursing home and singing to its patrons. It was the first Christmas I have ever not been at the farm.

The beginning of January was a fantastic, relaxing time for Brit and I to get settled living together. We were able to begin our marriage with no work and no school. Beginning the new semester, I met the harsh reality of my teaching internship and more difficult math courses.

I began teaching for Science Matters in Februrary and have enjoyed the opportunity. I planned a surprise trip to Glenwood Springs with Brit to celebrate his 21st birthday. I also enjoyed regular phone conversations with Elise, Steph and Courtney during this semester.

Brit's spring break in March was consumed with a trip to Washington DC with his honors group and then school during mine the subsequent week. Fortunately, Courtney, Darly, Jen, and Lydia were able to drive up and visit for a few days while he was gone. It was fantastic to have them stay with me as we shopped, hiked, and experienced the Denver area together. Brit had school during my spring break, and it didn't feel much different as I continued getting hours in at my internship. I observed Sra. Gunkel at Chatfield during one day and felt refreshed and newly motivated to teach seeing the different environment I could hope for. I also watched Stanley while Mom, Dad, and Kyle visited Austin for Teresa's 50th birthday party.

Finally, in April I attended the Dwell fundraiser concert Kyle planned to support Joshua Station. I finished my hours at my intership and tried not to drown in homework and projects from the end of the semester.

Throughout the last year, I have learned more patience, trust in God's plan, and an active love for Brit. At times it is difficult to accept my decision to leave the college environment for an adult one, but living with Brit has been an unforgettable experience. I look forward to the many lessons God has prepared for me for the next year and I long to be even closer to Him through my new experiences.

It's true.

I had this realization that God actually really cares about my miniscule problems. Why would a God who is in control of the entire world speak to me so clearly when I need Him to? Why does He even care?

I don't know.

But he does. And I'm ridiculously grateful. So much so that I'm actually going to try to obey. Try my best. And keep listening for more life-changing whispers.

A New and Gross Concept

2008: Year in Review

End of Senior Year:

A semester ago seems like an eternity away. What I remember of this time in my life is...

-Working at Chick-Fil-A and the subsequent life-changing drama that follows from working at that place

-School from 7:15-12. No more, no less. (Okay maybe sometimes less. When I would ditch Marketing for no good reason and Mom would call me in simply because I had been a good kid the rest of high school.) I took Lindsay home. We would laugh a lot. Particularly about my ridiculous inability to drive. Some days I'd go out to lunch with friends. Then, Brit would come over. We would spend the afternoon together watching Numbers, taking Stan on walks, or one or both of us would be working. My favorite part of every day was Sociology. What an experience that class was. Good ol' Mr. Clark.

-Avoidance of homework and all things school-related (except for the vital Calc BC work for hours each night when Brit left at 1 am). Hence flailing grades. But I eventually did the minimal amount of work necessary in order to raise them back to an A.

-180 on Wednesday nights were a highlight of my week. I had the best small group ever.

January:

-My 6th and final Winter Retreat. Senior Dinner that Saturday. Coloring on placemats with my fellow seniors.

-Senior Study at Dan's house was great. He brought a new twist to the new subject each week. The senior events at church were much more defining than those at school.

February:

-Sweethearts Assembly, my last ever.

-Went to Sweethearts dances at 2 different schools, neither of which were my school.

-Lots of hanging out with work friends.

-Going to the Grizzly Rose for line dancing with friends.

-1 year anniversary with Brit. Seems like so much longer.

-Attended my first Scholarship Competition and by some miracle won.

-More Senior Study.

-My 4th and last Glenwood Springs trip with the Kroonenbergs.

March:

-Received my first voicemail with someone screaming unusual insults at me... from one of my bosses.

-A Spring Break comprised of tons of random stuff with Brit like picnics, star-watching, and mountain-trips. Also sledding and chilling.

April:

-Got in my first car accident. Totaled my car. Got blamed for it (even though it wasn't my fault). Urgh.

-More work drama than usual. Gross.

-Columbine's Prom with Brit's friends. The Melting Pot instead of my Prom. Prom=overrated. Both years. But I'm glad I went.

-Found out I won a Heritage scholarship. Decided to jump right on that. LeTourneau here I come.

May:

-Senior Salute Breakfast. It was good to have closure. And cool to have a personal verse given to each of us by Dan.

-Visit from family to see me graduate. (Linnea, Granny, Paps, Kayla, Wayne, Hannah) It was great to have them here for me.

-Graduation aka Gradumagation aka Grajugation. Anticlimactic. And long. Very long. 

-Kyle's Continuation from 8th grade. He's all growed up now as we like to say. "Growin like a weed!"

-Senior Awards Night. I won two scholarships and some stuff for my grades.

June:

-Going to court for my ticket. Gross.

-Read the first three Twilight books in succession. And loved them! I got way too emotionally involved though. The second one had a terrible impact on my emotions.

-Visiting Brit at Summit all the way in Mantiou Springs. I had never driven that long before. I survived though.

-I went to see Kaylie, my best friend growing up, for the first time in years on the way back. It was good to see her.

-Cruise with the big family. Great memories. The Virgin Islands are awesome. Cruises with my family are even better. The entertainment on the cruise this year was amazing too.

-Florida after the cruise. Swimming with the manatees with the Neals. I'll remember that forever!

July:

-Going to the Zoo, journeying to find Blue Bell ice cream, long naps, Numbers, dancing, Disney movies, and playing at different parks with Brit.

-4th of July on Lookout Mountain.

-Lots of shopping at Park Meadows.

-Water world with church friends.

-Bekah visited and paid for me to decorate my dorm room as my graduation present. Fun to see her. Fun to shop. Fun to decorate!

August:

-Breaking Dawn release party. Oh yes I went to it. It was ridiculous but I'm amused that I went.

-Turned 18. No smoking or tattoos for me. But I did vote!

-Driving to LeTourneau. All 15 hours. Without being able to stretch my legs unless out of the car. That was interesting.

-Orientation and all that.

-Granny came to see where I was living and drive Mom to airport.

-Adapting to life at college. Meeting tons of new people that I'll know for a long time. Meeting people actually worth being friends with. All great things. Everyone was nice for once. (Except Trevor, ironically enough.)

-Grew closer to God than I've ever been before. Biggest spiritual high ever. Ever since this time I try to get back to the way things were at this point.

September:

-Broke up with Brit.

-Lots of bonding with people.

-My first college crush. Embarrassing.

-Suite D pictures. In a word, awesomeness.

-B-Dubs Thursdays became consistant.

-Loved hanging out with my G1 girls at the 2A football games.

-Played flag football. That was interesting. And absolutely nothing like Powderpuff in high school. Practicing before games was far more fun than the actual playing.

-Ginny Owens and Shawn McDonald concerts in one night. Then our first night adventuring. I learned that sitting around in the dark at a random rest stop/picnic area talking to people I hardly know is fricken awesome. I also learned that I could feel like I knew these same people for months after only a few hours.

-Cornerstones Retreat. Serious bonding time with the honors kids, Karis and Trevor particularly. Some highlights: angrily throwing rocks in the river, hiking all over Arkansas and eating M&Ms and Skittles to sustain me, sleeping in a Ford Focus hatchback with Karis and Megan, taking a nap next to a guy I hardly knew was pretty memorable, and falling asleep in the middle of the road while looking at the stars

October:

-Concert Month. Beginning with getting to go to the Switchfoot Concert in Dallas free. And meeting them!

-Anberlin concert and trip to Dallas two days later. Staying at Trevor's aunt's house. Talking through the AM hours. First of many. Fun weekend.

-Fall Break at home. Weird to be back after so much had changed.

-Goodwill visits.

-High school football game in Tyler.

-Getting to know the rest of my G1 girls better, starting when I agreed to dress up as a Spice Girl. Quite the bonding experience, apparently.

-AG Silver concert on Halloween instead of Clue Party. Totally worth it. But still kinda sad.

November:

-School got really busy. Lots to do, not enough time. More like not enough drive and commitment to schoolwork, actually.

-Preview student, Morgan.

-Getting to know Trevor more than ever.

-Subsequent drama and friendship problems on and off and on again.

-Lots of time spent with different people than usual.

-Kayla got married on Mom and Dad's 25th anniversary. It was emotional. But good to be with the family. The 5 hour drive from Longview turned out to be a really good thing, lots of talking with God.

-Honors party. Sigh.

-Dark Knight on the mall.

-Trevor asked me on our first date.

December:

-Date with Trevor to look at Christmas lights. Then coffee afterwards.

-Goodwill shopping for White Elephant parties.

-2A/G1 Christmas Party and White Elephant.

-"Cohort 8 Christmas party" and White Elephant.

-Lots of studying. But not enough anyway. Total loss of any remaining concentration on school.

-Study Break party at 2A

-Essays, finals, all that. 

-Relient K concert with Caleb and Trevor.

-Flying back home.

-Reality check.

-Christmas in Texas. Always good to be back with the family. No Kayla, though (on her honeymoon).

-Bourne Movie Marathon with Kyle for New Years

Stanley the Rebel

Is there right and wrong for animals? My first instict is no. After all, only humans have souls, right? Only man is made in the image of God. But I see choice in my dog's eyes. He can choose to obey and he can choose to disobey. He looks guilty when he's done something he knows we wouldn't like and he acts more carefree and happy when he has followed our rules. If animals do have a choice between right and wrong, is there no consequence for which they choose? Is this life really all there is for a dog? And lastly, does an animal have the mental capacity to consider such things? 

In addition, good ol' Stanley has taught me so much about myself in relation to God. When he is rotten, disobeys, rebels, and does things to spite us, we react in anger. We wait a while to forgive him till he's proven himself. We have sometimes called him the "Prodigal Dog." This speaks wonders about God's love for us. When we mess up, even rebel, He forgives us, reminds us of His love, and takes us into His arms. Like the prodigal son, He runs out to greet us. Stanley is just a dog, yet his rebellion inspires a spirit of anxiety at best, utter rage at worst, in our family. I am God's creation, made for the purpose of worshipping Him. How much patience and mind-boggling love must God have to continue to love me the way He does!

Three Heavy Words

"Valiant, vulnerable, and scandalous" describes a woman living out her true design according to John Eldredge in Wild at Heart. These are three things I have always been. Yet the second two I have tried to fight. And the first I now appear to be failing at. What an odd time in my life to read these three words, to consider if they describe me.

Valiant: After a year and a half, I should be all healed up. I went through a stage of mourning, of physical therapy (so to speak), and a time of rejuvenation. But it's still there- a deep scar. And it still hurts, deeply too, whenever I give it time to speak up. Comparatively to others' hardships, mine is easily bearable. Why am I so fragile if not to be rescued? A knight is to save a maiden from her tower of distress. But what if my tower of distress isn't like most people's? What if I can't really explain why it's so distressing? What is my knight to do then? Should valiance come as a result of being rescued or regardless? I thought I was "vibrant" as my mom has always called me. I thought I was valiant. Allowing this hurt to go on so long has broken my image of myself as a courageous woman of God. Instead I know feel like a little girl, broken by people of the past.

Vulnerable: It appears I was too vulnerable. After countless time considering life lessons to be drawn from these experiences, how I could have caused them, and whether not making the mistakes I made could have changed everything, I have simply given up and allowed myself to fall into un-vulnerability. I tell myself that I will not be hurt again. But how can I "guard my heart" without guarding everyone right out of it? Where is the line? I don't do well with general concepts. I like my real-life applications. So what is my real-life application? How can I remain vulnerable and still "guard my heart?" Proverbs 4:23 calls my heart the wellspring of life. No wonder I sometimes feel spent and unable to give myself away.

Scandalous: I have always been, by nature, scandalous. Try to make me follow a rule, and I'll dare to break it in a hurry. But the church community says Scandalous? That's not a virtue. That's not the description of a godly woman. Especially when it comes to a girl with a boy. But John Eldredge dares to argue differently. Never have I heard someone tell me that this part of my nature is good. Never have I heard someone tell me that Ruth was scandalous. How did I never see it? She was a wild woman! I have always been caught between being called a borderline-bad girl to the church and a goody-two-shoes to everyone else. It's a strange place to be in. And although I acted the same at my high school as I did at church, my impression of myself changed depending who I was with. So, let's suppose John's on to something: scandalous is the description of a woman living out her true design. Where does it stop? What is being scandalous and what is being a temptress? Where is the line between encouraging a guy to be a man and tempting a guy to sin? How is it that this part of me that I have always felt compelled to repress is suddenly a positive feature?

So this is when I wait upon the Lord. He's got plenty of answers. I'm just hoping he'll be gracious enough to share a few with me. Yet despite all this confusion, I can rest in knowing this: God is in control and God loves me infinitely. It just can't get any better than that, now can it?

A Lesson Learned... again.

Someone told me that he only writes if it is meant to be read by others. While intuitive, this idea didn't fit my philosophy at all. However, I feel led to start this blog. I'm really not sure why. But I'm going to do a silly thing: blog and not tell anyone about it. There you have it.

The same someone unknowingly taught me something profound through his blog today. God has it under control, whatever it is. It is amazing to me that I can learn the same lesson over and over and continue to need constant reminders. I often fail to give God the reins. Instead, I manipulate. Try as I might, I cannot come up with a more suitable verb. Manipulate seems so callous, even devious. But I am guilty of fitting that description. If I think something should change, I do what needs to be done. Correction: While omnipotent God Almighty sits on His thrown, I pathetically do what I think will end in my favored result, all the while not allowing the thought in my mind that God can do it without me. Often God will use me to do His will, but that is in His way and His timing. 

So I finally let go on a particular issue. I kept my mouth shut because it was none of my business, and God inspired the result I was itching to catalyze myself. And He did it all by his lonesome. Amazing, Kristina. The unending, all-powerful God can handle it. How I wish that this time the lesson will sink in for longer. 

I should not plug God into my plans; God may, instead, plug me into His plans, according to His sovereign (and much better!) will.